A Man Had Sex With a Snake and the Internet Is Losing It

From:	<eCruzi>

A man had sex with a snake and it's on video and it's all over the Internet [via The Daily Dot]. That's crazy, you're probably thinking right now. I kind of want to see that. Guess what? You don't. You think you want to. You think you want to understand the logistics of a man having intercourse with a snake. I thought I wanted that once too. But I was wrong. I was young and naïve and wrong. That was five minutes ago.

Here's the thing: You go into it thinking you're going to see a man have sex with a snake, and then what you wind up seeing is a glimpse into what man is truly capable of doing. To watch this video is to crawl on your belly toward the precipice and gaze into the abyss of the nature of humanity. Don't search for it. Don't go to Gawker and watch it. Don't do that. You can live the rest of your life without seeing a man wear a reptile like a snakeskin condom. Have you ever seen a snake unhinge its jaw to swallow a mouse? Picture that happening, except it's swallowing a penis with its vagina and the guy is holding onto it like he's pulling a balloon off a helium tank.

Here's a concise summary for the IMDB page:

@boring_as_heck @kcgreenn he put his wee wee in the snake

— big titty LARPer (@rachelmillman) August 18, 2014
Other Twitter users were concerned:

Hello everyone my pet snake has gone missing please help me find him

— NottsCoDavid (@NottsCo_David) August 17, 2014
*googles* how can you tell if a snake is having a good time

— Veronica de Souza (@HeyVeronica) August 18, 2014
While some took the opportunity to inform:

A snake butthole is its egghole… in case you were 'behind' on your herpetology info

— Gregory the Grape (@leducviolet) August 17, 2014
People waxed philosophical:

Some days you're the creepy white dude, some days you're the snake.

— salome (@notsalome) August 18, 2014
It looks like the snake's entire existence was Kafkaesque:

One day you're just hanging out, being a snake, the next thing you know you're being violated by some redditor

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 18, 2014
Some are still reeling from the experience:

still thinkin bout that damn snake

— first time slammer (@olhnso) August 18, 2014
When I saw that guy shag a snake pic.twitter.com/ZNiWSOqj2U

— Jake Streeting (@jakestreeting) August 18, 2014
Luckily, others knew better than to seek the video out:

Unless the snake video people are talking about is from Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets no thanks.

— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 17, 2014

Personally, I just want to know if the snake is OK, and yet I don't think I could handle finding out it died during the lovemaking. I can't face that truth yet. I'm too fragile. I think one day, years from now, I'll find myself standing on a quiet beach as the waves roll in, staring off into the night sky. "Dad," my children will ask me, "what are you thinking about?" I'll crouch down low to look the right in the eyes and I'll whisper, "I once watched a video of a man having sex with a snake. Everything is possible, and everything is terrible, and I am haunted by that knowledge." They look into my eyes, hoping I'll say something else, as if the silence would swallow us all up like a snake.